Maybe They'll Offer Me a Job

08 November, 2009

Dear Zantac Marketing Think Tank,

Your slogan pisses me off every time I hear it. Can you seriously have missed this? Do you sit in a room and play with helium balloons all day? Do you play a little game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"? Whatever it is you do, assuming you're even awake while you're at the office, it can't involve much brain power. Creativity was not in the job description, eh?

Because every time, every single time your commercial comes on and the voice over guy says, "Heartburn? Attack it. Zantac." I scream at my television and resist the urge to bludgeon it with the nearest blunt object. I resist only because it's not my TV's fault you're all too damn dumb to come up with "Heartburn? ZANTAC IT."

Did you get it? See how I did that? Attack and Zantac? How they sound the same? They kind of make one word? It creates a little PLAY ON THE NAME OF THE PRODUCT YOU'RE PEDDLING? Fools.

Hate,

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